Not a parent here, but dear god, please talk to your kids about sex as soon as possible 🙏

There are age appropriate terms to use, but essentially children should know about it for so many reasons.

• This can help them identify inappropriate behavior from peers and from adults
• It teaches them and prepares them for the real world in a healthy way
• It mitigates any future awkwardness that can lead to poor sexual education
• Reduces the risks associated with sex as they will already be aware of the critical information by the age that they do start exploring
• You would be shocked at how early on children will do sexual actions out of innocent curiosity and self pleasure, this can be okay if they are taught about what is acceptable and what is not.
• Gives them a good foundation for a healthy understanding of sex and their own bodies

For anyone who is unsure: https://www.centreforsexuality.ca/learning-centre/stages-of-child-sexual-development/

My kids are slowly approaching the point where they might soon become “active”. I’m trying to be aware that this may happen well before I expect it, and I have stuff I need to tell them before their first time.

But here’s what I’ve got so far.

I started with joking around before they even started puperty, just to nornalize talking about these things. Any joke they didn’t get was an opposite to move a (very short) explanation, so they get used to asking and getting a useful answer.

For the girl, I have a bit more emphasis on peer pressure. Certain things just don’t doo, no matter what friends and “friends” say, or do, or say they do. First my examples was stuff like typical rule-breaking in school and bikining without a helmet. Then smoking. Building up the idea that peer pressure exists and the confidence to reject it. Then finally I said directly that sex is not something you are supposed to do at any age, or because you have a partner, or because all your friends claim they did it. The first time has to be with a partner you really trust, and not to satisfy them, but because you both want it.

The boy get the same kind of conversation, but with him I have more emphasis of “the other side” of that conversation - be nice to people, gender doesn’t matter here. Starting with stuff like don’t pull the girls long hair. Even during the phase where most boys in the class didn’t like girls and wouldn’t even talk to them, still respect them as human beings. Specially, respect a no. If you are having fun with a girl but the girl isn’t having fun, you need to stop immediately, and think about how you got into that mess. He will soon learn that this is not just for hair pulling and name calling, it goes for any kind of play-time…

With this framework and their ability to look up stuff online when talking to parents is too embarrassing in spite of all our efforts, I think they’ll be fine. Everything else is just even better.

And they actually both ask great questions. Like at what age is it normal to start. How did I survive the embarrassment of buying condoms when I started. Most questions are actually about understanding jokes.

We talked about enthusiasm - that you should never have sex unless both parties were enthusiastic about it.

We talked about risks and STDs, so when my one kid had a boyfriend and got birth control, it was first time for both they asked if condoms were necessary so we talked about which viruses can be transmitted sexually but also in other ways, that this was probably the least risky situation they’d ever be in but not risk free.

Mostly just when I got questions but I’m not closed off about sex with them, there wasn’t a specific “the talk” that I remember.

The first thing I told my kids about sex, is to remember when you have sex with someone, you’ve had sex with everyone they have. So if you had sex with someone who had four partners, and they had four partners You actually had sex with more than you’re willing to admit to. Always wear protection, or insist on it. You don’t know what any of those partners may have had, and possibly passed on.

Is there anything that your kids told you that they learned in a school class about sex that you never knew?